Chronic illness flares have left me feeling pretty rough this month
Holly Hervig: Hi setting Instagram do its Instagramy thing. Hello everybody joining. Good morning, good evening, wherever you may be. I legitimately had like a little, you know, self image battle with myself before hitting record this morning because I have come off the back of about two and a half weeks of back to back chronic illness flares. It's been pretty rough and I'm still feeling pretty rough. So I don't really have the energy to even do my hair each day. And I was like, gasp, can I show up with wet hair that's not even done? And I have this like pimple breakout on my face. I swear every week it's just a new pimple in a different location. And they, they're like the big ones that hang around for ages. And I was like, no, don't worry, I talked myself out of it because what we look like really doesn't matter. It just, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. But you know, like, conditioning runs really deep. Social conditioning runs really deep. And, and it's a choice. I feel like it's, it's a choice as a human, as a choice as a creator to to show up and say, no, I'm going to choose authenticity over, emotional comfort. So here I am in all of my chronic illness beauty. And hopefully that helps you guys to feel better today in some way.
Christine: This is very relevant to human design communities today
I want to, I want to take a little bit of a tangent, maybe slightly out of the manifesto space, but it's still very relevant to manifestos and look at human design communities today. This has definitely been, super present, I think, in my space in the last couple of weeks, but admittedly it always is. Right? Because I run, I run a business in the human design industry. And so, I'm witness to a lot of human design communities. I run a human design community. I love that comment. Thank you, Christine. Being well equals well being. That's so perfect. I want to, I want to have a little, I suppose, a bit of an expose moment through the lens of what I've realized in myself, even seeing it in myself in this, this last week about why human design is actually in communities can be really screwed up. This absolutely applies to, I think, all spiritual communities. It definitely applies to all, like personal development industries. I think that like, those two are sort of fused together these days. Like spirituality and personal development have sort of become one and the same thing. Right? Evolution is beautiful.
Mitochondria are the cells in your body responsible for physical energy
Anyway, story time. Here's what I've been realizing about myself in the last week in my Instagram live last week I Was talking about, how mitochondrial dysfunction is, is a bit of a rabbit hole for me at the moment in the, the health journey that I'm moving through. If you don't know what mitochondria are, they're basically the cells in your body that are responsible for physical energy. So you can have like genetic mitochondrial disease, which is quite rare. But we are now seeing a lot more emergence of mitochondrial dysfunction or damage to the mitochondria that is associated with a lot of chronic illness conditions. It's getting a lot more attention now in the post Covid era because we've seen a big rise in a certain number of chronic illnesses and autoimmune illnesses in the long Covid category. Right. And so mitochondria are getting a bit more attention, which is good. Mitochondria need attention. But this has been like really, really relevant for me right now because I have very much been kind of pushing myself down the funnel following my own intuition of looking at mitochondrial dysfunction and how much of a role might that actually be playing in what I'm experiencing and what I have been experiencing admittedly for about 30 odd years. So it's looking like it's actually playing a pretty big role. And that in a lot of ways is good, right? I think that on any health journey it's good to get like a direction, right? Especially in the modern age in medicine, particularly as women, where we need to do so much research and so much self advocacy, right. We're really, we're doing our own medical work to discover what is happening with our bodies and so to get, to get a win, right, to get some clarity over ah, aha. Like this is, this is what actually is occurring in my body and why I'm experiencing what I'm experiencing. Like that's, that's a bit of an elation moment, right? Because a lot of chronic illness can be so it can feel really helpless and can feel really stagnant. So I will probably be bringing up mitochondria for a while in my weekly lives because I, I, it's definitely having a place in my story, but I feel like it's probably got a bigger place across the board in the manifesto story. But anyway, what I've really been noticing in myself in the last week is that I have had this pattern of behavior around ignoring the potential mitochondrial involvement in my story. And that has been very much driven by this aspect of my human design. So in your human design, it's actually where it converges with gene keys. But we all Have a core wound. If you want to look at that on your chart, you don't know where it is. You need to look at the gate that is in the unconscious, Mars. So you want to look for that. You've got like the red and the black planet symbols down both sides of your chart. You want to look at the red side and look for the Mars symbol. And you'll see a gate with a dot and another number, which is the line expression. So from the viewpoint of human design, the gate that's there has this kind of dual purpose on one side. It's your zone of genius. So this is where you are naturally really, really talented. It's what you are sort of effortlessly good at and what you bring to the world. It inevitably plays a role in the work that you do. Whether that's as a career, whether that's as a business, doesn't. Doesn't matter. It usually comes out in the way that you work because it's this Mars energy. On the flip side of that, though, so it's one coin with two sides, you know, light and shadow. On the flip side of that, this is also the core wound. So this is like the wound that will just show up for you constantly in life. I like to think of the core wound as like, this is an element of our design that we chose before we came in to this human experience. And we chose it because we really wanted to explore, like, every facet of that. Right. That that core wound was going to teach us so much. And so usually once you understand what your core wound is, you can see it, like in. In almost all the experiences you've had that have been challenging, you know, every sort of stumbling block you faced. For me, it shows up in a lot of my trauma story. So I think that it's helpful to become really familiar with your core wound because it helps you be more aware of why you're experiencing what you're experiencing. But there's this element that I have been experiencing with the core wound. Mine is 48, which is the core wound is inadequacy. Right. the flip side of that, the zone of genius is depth and resourcing, which means I can exist at kind of the deepest layer of things. I hate surface level, hate it, like superficiality. I always want to go to the deepest possible point of an experience or concept or, or something and find resources to meet it there, which is what has built this community. Right. Everything that we do around, like, understanding the manifester experience in a new way, putting new language to it bringing resources to these really specific experiences that we have as manifest as that's all being driven by this 48 energy of mine.
I struggle with a sense of inadequacy that permeates everything I do
But I also very, very do, very, very do very, very much do struggle with like this sense of inadequacy that can, can very subtly like permeate everything that I do. It's very easy for me to feel like, oh, what I've done is not enough, right? Or how much I've grown or how much I've created is not enough. I can easily feel like who I am is not enough for a certain situation or certain relationship. But I can also really apply that to other things. Like I can, you know, look at experiences and say, well, that experience wasn't enough, or that money is not enough, or that outcome is not enough, right? Like, I could easily walk through life looking at everything as like, there's just simply not enough, it's not good enough or there's not enough resources. It can very, easily kind of turn into this like, scarcity thing that flows in like, oh my gosh, there's not enough. I can always be looking at like, is it enough? Is it enough? Which is wild because as a manifesto, I'm also non sacral, right? And as non sacrals, we have this physical kind of inability to determine when enough is enough, right? The defined sacral center has that sort of like kill switch in it. So people who are sacral beings, like generators and manifesting generators, when they're producing and working, you know, actively physically doing things or creating or responding, their body says at some point, that's enough, you're done now. Then you'll feel satisfaction. Non sacrals don't, we don't know. We don't know when enough is enough. And I find that sometimes to be kind of diabolical. In my own experience, I don't know when enough is enough. But when I'm moving in this core wound, I'm constantly looking at everything saying, is it enough? Right? And so there's no, there's no goalpost, there's no like line ever that I cross where I say, ah, that was enough. Got it, got it, right? So like inadequacy enoughness has been a really kind of core part of my journey. what I've, what I've noticed in myself over the last week as I've been looking at this mitochondrial dysfunction aspect and connecting it to symptoms that I have been experiencing really since childhood, right? And so these are symptoms of like really severe fatigue, exercise intolerance as There's a specific symptom called pem, post exertion malaise, right. Where it's a mitochondrial dysfunction. So when you've done an activity and then one to two days later, you get a disproportionate, sort of reactivity to that. So you might do a very, very simple activity like, whatever, tidying your office. And two days later you crash as though you run 20 kilometers, 40 miles, whatever it may be, right? So that's like, really unique to mitochondrial dysfunction. And I've been living with that for about 30 years. It's just kind of been getting worse and worse and worse till it's at the point now where I can't deny it, I can't push through, I can't pretend it's not there. My body is like, no more. No more pretending that this is not happening in your life. And, and I, like, it's only been in the last week, truly. So I've been like, focused on this for about the last year, but it's only been in the last week that I've realized, oh, my gosh, I was writing off so many signals from my body, of my body, telling me, we literally don't have enough. We don't. We don't have enough resources. Like, I don't have enough physical energy. I don't. I don't have enough in that, like, kind of molecular sequence that is going on in my body to produce energy. The process is breaking down. It doesn't have enough of what it needs, right. Because it, got damaged. It started to be dysfunctional. And I've been writing off those signals for years, saying, no, that's just my core wound of inadequacy. That's why my body's giving me these signals that I don't have enough. It's not, it's not real. You know, it's a shadow. It's just telling me that I need to go deeper. And that's, that's not great, right? I think that that's so typical of what we all do as humans. But in my personal experience, what I'm coming to understand is that the reason that I've been doing that for, for so many years. And, and when learning about human design, it kind of created this great label for it. It's just my whole wound of inadequacy. That's why I feel that way. What that afforded me the ability to do was to not look at why I was getting that signaling from my body, right? because that opened up sort of a Pandora's box. It meant that if I really looked at that symptom, if I really looked at that signaling and that conversation from my body, I would need to investigate it. Right? I would need to get myself in front of more medical health professionals, go down, you know, this, this journey of trying to get that tested and treated and diagnosed.
For many people with chronic illness, medical trauma can be overwhelming
And I mean, I'm curious if any of you have a chronic illness background and if you relate to this. Let me know in the comments if you do. But I think that for a lot of us with chronic illness, we have, like, a measure of medical trauma where we understand how not only how overwhelming it is to go through a process of testing and diagnosis and treatment, it can take years, but how demoralizing it is, how often you get gaslit, how often you get dismissed, how hard you need to self, advocate, how exhausting it is to have to come out of an appointment where you're left questioning, am I delusional? Is this actually happening in my body? Because I can't seem to get this person or anybody else to believe it. You really very much question your own reality and have to do so much hard work to come back to yourself and say, no, I am experiencing this. This is truth. It's a. It's a big dance. It's a really, tiring and very, very challenging journey to take. It's almost. I view it as almost like a game that you have to play in a lot of our current health systems. and I will say that I've also experienced that in alternative health fields as well. So it's not like demonizing one aspect of health or the other. so I think that in part, for me, you know, labeling these, these symptomatic experiences that I was having is like, no, this is just my inadequacy core wound, which means I. I just have to see that I. I am adequate, that I do have enough, that I am enough. It's fine, it's fine. My body is fine. Everything around me is fine. Right. In part, I was trying to avoid going back into those experiences of being a chronically ill person and potentially experiencing that medical trauma. But I think that the largest part about it for me was that it appears that my mitochondrial damage actually occurred at a really kind of core aspect of my childhood trauma. It was experiences that I had very, very close together at a very young age that physically actually damaged my. My mitochondrial function, and they never repaired from there. And so it meant that. And what it has meant in the last couple of weeks is that I have to Acknowledge that what I went through in some ways is actually not behind me, that I, I. It's like acknowledging the deepest fear for me that I am damaged because of the abuse that I experienced and the trauma injury that occurred to my body, that I am damaged because of that. And so I've been sitting in that, I've been sitting in that truth and also seeing the greater truth, that damage isn't permanent. Right. And being damaged doesn't mean that you're damaged forever. But I've kind of been like laughing at myself a little bit, to be honest, because it's like, my God, how. I mean, I've spent, six years telling myself that these very, very observable physical symptoms from my body that are for a reason are, actually just because I have this core wound for inadequacy. That's it. That's. I, I feel like I don't have enough energy because it's my core wound of inadequacy, not because I've actually got some resource problem happening on a cellular level in my body.
As humans, we will choose comfort over discomfort any day
Let me pause and take a break. Is this feeling familiar to anybody? Is this like, are you seeing any of this in your own story? I'm going to branch out and talk about this a little bit wider now, but I wanted to start with how this is coming up for me. So. I've been a firm believer for a very long time that, humans, as humans, we will do almost anything to escape the human experience. I think that's why we've seen a rise of fixation on the mind. I think that when we step into spiritual spaces especially, we have this almost like an obsession with the mind and we have all of these modalities that have been created that actually are really just us trying to escape the experience of suffering and discomfort. As humans, we hate discomfort. Hate it, hate it. We will choose comfort over discomfort any day. This is why typically as humans, we will choose comfort over expansion because expansion is uncomfortable. We will choose comfort and familiarity over change because change, change is uncomfortable. We are just like prime wide. All you need to do is, is look at our lifestyle like how we live in the modern age to see that we are obsessed with avoiding discomfort and suffering. We don't, we don't want to do it unless we're absolutely forced into doing it. And so we see this in spiritual spaces all the time and we 100% see this in the human design space. And the way that it usually presents in these spaces is, is that we will try to vacate what the body is saying, we'll try to vacate the body experience. And we, we love to get all caught up in the mind. We can even see it in, in some of our, like, more ancient modalities. When we look at things like plant medicine. Not that plant medicine is inherently about this, but a lot of people tend to use plant medicine over and over and over again because it alters your state of consciousness. So things like plant medicine without integration are not healing. Right. That's not expansion, that's not growth. But we're trying to do anything that we can to get out of the body and get out of the human experience. Human design is so super masculine. Human design is, like, so mind based. Yeah. It can be really binary. Right. Can apply this language of sort of like black and white. Like, you're either this or you're that. it's highly, like, practical and pragmatic. That's usually why people really like coming into human design, because it's like, oh, I have these labels that describe my behavior. So now I can attribute things to certain categories, and I apply that to my life, and then my life gets better. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I think that that has immense value. But like we do with most things as humans, we take that too far. We take that too far and we use it as a form of escapism. And I think that what we see really quite predominantly in the human design space over the last couple of years in particular, is that we see it as a form of avoiding accountability. It's like this happy, happy little pathway where if we can sit with the labels that we have in our design, it means that we don't then have to be accountable for any of those things about ourselves. I do think that it's, it's a possibility or a likelihood that those of us who are, creators or teachers in the human design space potentially see this more than those who aren't. But this is, this is regular. This is routine, Right. Like seeing people in human design who are using aspects of their human design as an excuse for poor behavior or for really unhealthy belief systems. Right. Oh, I love this comment. It's a fine line between accepting yourself and excusing yourself. Absolutely, absolutely. So even just last week we had a comment from a manifesto. I think it was on one of our reels who was telling me why, why what I talked about in the real was wrong. I actually think it was a funny reel too. So it wasn't even like it wasn't even particularly in depth. It was just humorous. And, this manifesto is saying, no, this is wrong. Because. Because of all of these things, right? I was talking about, like, human consciousness and decision making and whatever, and then said, I'm a 5:1 manifestor and I have the channel 18:58, which is called the channel of correction, right? So the 18 is this ability to see what systems. Systems, not people, what systems need to be corrected. And then the 58 is about vitality. So it's like we correct things with the 1858 channel. If you have that, it's about, like, correcting what's not functioning efficiently and making it more full of life. That's what the purpose of the channel is. but this person was saying, because I'm five one manifesto. And so as. As five lines, we have the solutions, right? And as one lines, we have all of this knowledge. And I also have the 1858 channel, and the 18 is my conscious son. Therefore it's my job to correct people who have the wrong opinions or the wrong viewpoints or are presenting things in the wrong way. She even hilariously used then, like, the hashtag corrected, as though, like, she'd come into the comments and she'd done her job correcting this person on the Internet. That is so common. That is so common. I would say that five to ten times every week. Every week, right? I find it the most hilarious in this Internet space, in particular in the manifesto community, when projectors come in and do that. This is. This is kind of like a. It's a bit of a pitfall of being a projector, right? Is that, And I even see it, like, in projector spaces, in projector communities where they, like, we're the leaders of the new paradigm. We're here to tell people, you know, what's. What's right and what's wrong. We're here to guide people in the right way, which means that everything that a projector sees is absolute, true, and absolutely, absolutely correct. Not true. Not true. And so it's very funny when the projectors come into our community and they try to correct the manifesters and they inevitably end up being removed from the community, right?
Mannesters often use spiritual labels to excuse poor behavior to others
However, that does not mean that manifesters are excused from this. And I would honestly say, honestly, hand on my heart, say of years and years of watching this, of even watching myself in this, that manifestors are often the worst offenders, we are often the worst people for using spiritual labels and using the language of human design to excuse what we're doing, whether it's whether it's like a personal pattern of behavior, like I was explaining about myself recently, whether we're like, you know, excusing the fact that we're kind of in this dysfunctional pattern of trying to ignore things within ourselves, or whether we're trying to excuse actually what's just really poor behavior to other people. It's just really damaging, harmful behavior. I believe that the reason that we do this as manifesters is almost like this combination of a number of factors that join together to create a bit of a, like, perfect storm. As manifesters, we routinely feel misunderstood. It's very, very hard for us to feel understood by another person. Yeah. And so when we come into human design and the more that we learn this language and the more that we learn these elements of our own chart, we tend to be like, well, I am the only one who truly understands me. And so I have ownership of these labels. Nobody else can do this. And so we don't accept feedback from other people. We can really block it out. Right. We can use that heavy, dense aura of ours to be like, nobody can say anything to me about myself because nobody understands me. Yeah. Then we have this other layer, of manifesters, you know, how much we love, how much we love to say this and move through the world like this, where we're like, don't tell me what to do as a manifesto, nobody can tell me what to do. I'm independent, I'm trailblazer. I don't have to follow the rules. I make the pathway in my own life. And we can be really unhealthy with that. So we've got this, like, I'm misunderstood. I'm the only one who truly understands myself. Then nobody can tell me what to do. And then we apply that to, like, now I've got these labels that mean I don't actually have to look at my behavior and, I don't actually have to look at my internal world. I just have a blanket permission, sleep, to do whatever I want with it. And like I just said, I really think that manifesters are the worst, the worst offenders with this because everything we do, this is like the hard pill to swallow. I think for us as manifesters, everything we do has impact. It's not like we only have impact when we're doing positive things. It's not like we only have impact. That's like, good in the world. And the rest of the time we're just like this little hazy shadow on the side. Like everything that you do as a manifester has impact every single thing. And so when we are operating, even if it's in this like tiny slice of our lives, everything that we do is going to have an impact. So if what we're doing is we're trying to use labels to excuse something and I, I truly believe that at the core of it, what we're trying to do is self protect. So it's not like we're trying to behave badly. It's not like we're trying to ignore things in ourselves. We're doing it because we feel that we need to on a subconscious level to self protect. Yeah. So we start using these labels as an excuse for not looking at it. Yeah. I have seen manifesters in professional settings not respond to emails for months at a time. The worst that I've seen was actually over a year. Someone didn't respond to an email and then they say, yep, well, I'm, an emotional authority, so I have to take time to ride my wave. No, no, it's not an excuse for that behavior. I have seen manifestors use their profiles to excuse being accountable for things, saying, you know, I'm a 3 5, so I shouldn't be expected to commit to something. I shouldn't be expected to follow a set of parameters because I have to experiment my way through life. I have seen manifestors use their inner authority or use their just their energy in general to break commitments to things and say I shouldn't have any consequences for breaking commitments that I made myself. I have seen manifestors actually just be abusive and harmful and say, I'm a manifesto, so I'm allowed. I have seen line five manifest as this shows up quite a lot with line 5 saying, Any reaction that you have to me is just a projection. So I'm never actually accountable for what I'm doing and I don't take on any feedback. Your reactivity is now invalid because it's simply a projection onto me. My God. I've seen splenic manifestors say I changed my mind halfway through something because my spleen changed its mind, my spleen changed direction. As a splenic manifesto, let me assure you that's not the reality. That's not what happens. Right. I've seen manifestos even have like really, really unhealthy lifestyle habits. Right. And say, no, no, it's because I'm a manifesto. That's how my energy operates. I've seen them be really, really nasty in relationships, really dismissive of other people and dismissive of other people's truth because I'M a manifester and you can't tell me what to do. I do whatever I want. I've seen manifestors use their motorized defined throat to land harmful impact on people intentionally, right? Like just the list goes on and on and on. And I think that one of the most prolific spaces that we see this is in the rest cycle. It's where we excuse patterns of behavior that we have with ourselves. Because I'm in a rest cycle, right? So that can be external, right? Like we go, oh, I bail out of commitments or I don't meet my responsibilities or I don't show up for the things that I really should show up for because I'm in a rest cycle, so you can't expect me to. But I think that we more so do it internally where we say all of these things I'm experiencing are because I'm in a rest cycle. It's much the same as being like, oh, I have these constant headaches because, you know, every time there's an astrological movement. This is just a symptom of the astrological movement. I have ringing in my ears because it's an ascension symptom. I have had so many manifestos come to me and say, I've been in a rest cycle for five years, you know, and I, I just don't know when the rest cycle is going to end. Like, no, that's, that's chronic fatigue. That's an issue. There is something going on in your body. I've also had many, many manifestos that I have said to you really need to get that looked into. And it turns out they're iron deficient or they're vitamin D deficient or they have an autoimmune disease happening, right? So I think that we can be our own worst enemies in this case. And that's, that's certainly been part of my personal experience with myself too. I think that we can even see this in this very like, victimized way. I see that a lot amongst manifesters of like my, my aura always repels people. That's why I have no friends. That's not repelling. That's something about your behavior in relationships that is making it not safe for people to be around you and not have the desire to be around you. Right? It's like when we talk about repelling, we conveniently forget that it's part of a two way magnet. That, that it's like equal parts, right? We magnetize as much as we repel. And so if you feel like all you're doing is repelling. You need to have a look at that. Because we've applied the wrong label to it. And I just, I think that like, as manifest as we need to kind of. I don't know, in some ways, I think we need to grow up a bit and like, stop doing this.
Pamela: Manifest is using labels to excuse bad behavior
Right. But I also think that we need to acknowledge for ourselves and, and as a bit of a. Like a collective, right? Like this mini collective of manifest is this 9% of us that. That kind of make up this portion of the. We need to be ultra responsible without self reflection and say, like, am I. Am I using these labels in any way to excuse something? Excuse a pattern of avoidance in myself or excuse me, some, some not great behavior going outwards. Right. I've always, I've always said I've been saying this for years and I just never really know quite how well it's landing with people. But, I've always said being a manifesto does not give you an excuse to be an asshole. And hands down, probably one of the single most challenging things about running this community for the last six years has been that I'm the person on the receiving end. And my team also, you know, we're on the receiving end of really, really crappy manifesto behavior. And manifest is excusing it because I'm a manifester. Right? So manifest is using informing as an excuse to just say really mean things. Start informing. Just being me. Right. you know, manifest is using their, like our rhythmic nature, our cyclical, energetic nature to say, you, you can't rely on me. So I get to move however I want to move. But you can't have any expectations around that. That's not healthy. Yeah. And we do, like, we say this widespread, like I was saying earlier, we. We see this widespread. We see this all across human design. We see this all across spiritual spaces. We see in spiritual spaces people being critical, people being judgmental, people being harsh and saying no. It's wisdom, it's insight, it's. It's discernment. It's not. It's judgment and it's criticism. Yeah. If we have to use a label to give a permission slip for a certain behavior, whether that's a way that we're behaving with ourselves or a way that we're behaving with other people, that I think is the first red flag. Say if I, if I have to like, give myself permission to do this by adding some sort of spiritual or some sort of justified human design label to it, then that means there's something in here That I need to look something in here that I need to look at. I need to be looking right now in my journey as to why I've used the label of that core wound of inadequacy to ignore the fatigue and the post exertion malaise from my body. What have I been avoiding? What am I trying to not look at? And why is now the time when I feel like I have capacity to see it? Because we only see things when we feel we have capacity to hold it. Otherwise it stays subconscious for us. So when we see it, that is the moment to do something about it. And that's what I'm doing right now. Preparing myself to go back down that medical pathway and have this looked into. Preparing myself to dive back into some of my trauma experiences on a new layer and in a new way. And there's almost like a disheartening aspect of that because I'm like again, really? But in truth, this has been here the whole time. This has been here the whole time. Pamela, saying your comment, that is what the recycle is for. Yes. I could not have said it better myself. Right. Last week that I spoke about this like our recycle is the place where we, where we meet ourselves. That's the point. Right. I think that the rest cycle is where we slow down enough to have self exploration, to see what needs healing, to see what is not working correctly. Right. To see these parts of ourselves that need attention. Because when we're in the creative cycle, we're moving way too fast and, and we're not way too fast in general, just way too fast to self reflect. And we're, we're very productive and we're very outward facing. It's very expressive and creative. Right. And so the creative cycle is not the time for that to happen. And I think that that's one of the reasons why we are so obsessed with wanting to get back to the creative cycle all the time. That's the part that our productive society values the most. But it's also the part where I think that we get to ignore the parts of ourselves that we don't want to see. And the rest cycle is where we are forced into the stillness to look at it. Pamela, you're coming again. That's why it's so difficult. Absolutely, absolutely. And I believe that the more you honor the rest cycle, the more that that's what recycles become and they do actually become more challenging because there's this like, oh, I'm seeing things that I didn't want to see. And I'm, I'm in this rest cycle because I need to observe those and I need to do something with them. And that means I can't use that as an excuse anymore. I can't use that as an excuse anymore. Like once, once you see it, you've got to do something with it. I love the sort of partial quote from Maya Angelou, who was also a manifester. she said, when you know better, you do better. And I think that that's what the rest cycle is for manifest is that it's this time where we, we come to know more about why we're doing what we're doing, what is happening because we can't ignore it when, when we're not producing, we're looking at ourselves. So when we have faced that then, then we're left with the self accountability of what am I going to do with this? I have to do better with this now. So that's, that's my goal. That's what I'm going to be doing with trying to no longer use my core wound of inadequacy as an excuse to ignore what my body is telling me and also to not fall into the identity of, of suffering and victimhood and right, that, oh well, I'm broken forever because that's equally untrue. And I often think, right. I, I always love to look at people's conscious sun gates because it tells you so much about a person. And my conscious son is in gate 63 which on a shadowy side means that I can really get paralyzed with self doubt. Thankfully not something that I experience hugely anymore. Sometimes I still do. but the like, the gift, like the high expression of 63 is that it uses inquiry. It questions why, why, why, why is something happening? Why are things being done a certain way? Why are belief systems there? Why is there a pattern of behavior ultimately to find truth? Because truth should be able to withstand a why. Yeah.
Self shaming or shaming other people rarely changes behavior
And sometimes I think, you know, when I'm, I'm interacting with other people who are using all of these labels to excuse stuff. Like I think I even saw one this morning of like I'm an ego manifester and so that means I need to have more time to, to do this thing even though there's a time limit on it. Well now being an ego manifest, it doesn't give you that privilege unfortunately. but like, I think that we need to like come into that reality with ourselves of I I'm doing this because it serves me in some way to do it. And so like I was saying, sometimes I, I observe that pattern of behavior from other people and then I'm, I'm like applying that why to myself. I'm applying that truth inquiry to myself and saying, am I turn that like it would be very easy for me to look at things outside of me and say, well, because the gift of my conscious sun energy is that I can see truth, then I believe that everything that I see is, is absolute truth. When it's not. What I see is filtered through my own experiences. It's filtered through my own perspectives. It's. It's filtered through my own belief systems. And truth is a, many, many layered thing. It's a many hued thing. Right. There are all different colors of truth. So it's this kind of finding, this, I think a beautiful line within ourselves to acknowledge why we're doing what we're doing because it served us in some way to do it, but then also being accountable enough with ourselves to let it go and, and to do it differently. I don't think self shaming or shaming other people has ever been effective. If it was going to be, it would have been effective at some point. over the last five centuries that we've been using it. Shame really doesn't. It doesn't get us anywhere. It's not the catalyst we think it is. It's not the motivator that we think it is. However, compassion and acceptance and inquiry and accountability, that's usually what changes behavior.
Feel free to share any thoughts on this manifesto experience
Okay, I think that summarises everything that I wanted to say. I'm just going to read back through some of these comments. but feel free. What time have we got? Feel free to share any thoughts on this. Feel free to ask any questions about this, or ask any questions about anything to do with your manifesto experience. While you've got me here, I can answer some questions for you guys. back. Okay. Oh, just I thank you for all of the thank you comments. That's really beautiful. Feel like you've been in the longest rest cycle. Yeah. Resonating and appreciating all you're sharing. Yeah. I always think that when we feel like we've been stuck in a rest cycle for a really long time, that's the point where we need to say why? What am I holding on to here? That I'm like, I'm not healing and I'm not shifting and I'm not moving. That's usually why we get stuck in a rest cycle or because there's physically something happening in Our body that is holding us in a state of kind of like depletion, or lower energy that we need to give some attention to. this is a hard yet beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing. That's beautiful. Thank you guys.
The language used to describe manifesto aura is closed and repelling
Okay, if possible, can you explain what makes our aura dense because it's hard to grasp with how our open centers are. Yeah, Just like an easy point of confusion. Right. Because the language that human design uses to describe the manifesto aura is closed and repelling, which is a whole Instagram live or podcast episode on it's own. Because I think that that language is crappy. I think it's incorrect, it's way outdated. It's like infused with a whole bunch of like conditioning and, and perspectives about who the manifesters are and what we do. The aura is not closed. It's not closed. Nobody's aura is fully closed. Right. I think the better language for it is heavy, dense, protective. Right. We have this magnetic quality. So we're not just repelling, we're also magnetizing. A magnet pushes out and pulls in. It works both ways. So that's one aspect of the aura. but this sort of like thickness quality that we have, this denseness quality. I feel like the best way to describe it is that you know, when you go and see like a stage performance in a theater and you can, when the curtains are up, you can see the stage. But those curtains, when they come down, they're like really thick curtains. They're designed to like muffle and hide whatever is happening behind it. So you can't, you know that stuff is happening behind the curtain. You know that they're changing sets and changing costumes and you know, stuff is happening but you can't really see it and you can't really fully ascertain what's happening there. I think that that's what the density of the manifesto aura is like. It's like it has to have this sort of thickness quality to it because the purpose of it is, is that it, it protects our ability to create from whatever you want to label this over here, right? The void, the 3D, the neutrino connection. Right. There's a lot of different language for it, but the manifest is create from this alternative space. That's what we do. And if we had an aura that was not dense and not thick, it would mean that we are constantly bringing in the noise of other people and that would diminish our ability to hear and feel what is happening in this void space and then pull it through to birth. It I think that's the reason that we have density with our aura. However, that is not to be confused with the fact that we still feel other people's energy, right? So this, like, thickness in our aura doesn't mean that we are, are like, devoid of feeling other people's energy or that our open centers are not susceptible to, conditioning. We still very much feel other people. We still very, very much are open to conditioning. So I like to think of our aura as in a scientific term, like a semi permeable membrane. Who remembers that from biology class in high school? It's a semi permeable membrane. So it's a membrane where things can pass in and things can pass out, but not quite as easily as a permeable membrane where molecules pass in and out very, very easily. And that helps me to understand, like, the difference that we have from the other energy types if we see all the four other energy types as having a permeable membrane. So energy moves in and out really freely, really easily. Manifesters have a semi permeable membrane, which means ours is a little bit thicker and things are a little bit more tricky to get, like in and out. So, yeah, we still absolutely feel other people's energy. Our aura provides a level of protectiveness for that, but it doesn't mean we're not feeling it. and I think the best example of that is that when we're around sacral beings and we feel that, like, the sacral high of picking up their sacral energy, right? And we're like, ah, I feel amazing. Like, I feel so productive, so high energy. We almost get giddy, right, with sacral energy that we take on our bodies. Like, like, this is amazing. And then when we leave that sacral person, well, they leave us, right? We're not physically around them anymore. We get a sacral hangover because crashes. Our body crashes. And it can actually feel like we're getting sick. We can get like, you know, muscle aches and nausea and headaches and fatigue. As long as it's temporary. That's happening for you chronically. We need to look at it. But, that sacral hangover is, is super real. So that, always reminds me of, like, yeah, yeah, I may have this kind of thicker aura that helps me to be a little bit protected from people around me, but I'm still susceptible to their energy and I still need to be mindful of how their energy is interacting with mine. And I still need to be mindful of, like, where I'm picking up conditioning, conditioning in Particular is learned behavior. It's not really necessarily an energetic experience. It's learned behavior. So hopefully that answers that question for you. Yeah, Stevie, I think it is.
Would love to know how you work through the inadequacy and the constant deep dive
I hold the depth inadequacy channel. Yeah, me too. Yeah, it's delightful. Line three. Would love to know how you work through the inadequacy and the constant deep dive. Because the world doesn't stop. Yeah. Sometimes I exhaust myself, to be quite frank. Like, sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, just enough with the depth. Like, why can't I just not go deep on something? but I think that that's more of a, that's like a. More of a learned conditioning. Right. It's this fear that I'm, I'm going too deep for other people, that they will be uncomfortable with that, that they will see that there's something wrong with that. So that's been a big, like, alleviation point for me of, you know, I can experience feeling like I'm not good enough. And I can also experience like having this sort of mad ability to go really, really deep with stuff and find resources at, ah, that depth. Like, that's the purpose of the depth. Like, I'm going to go really, really deep and I'm going to find the resources that are needed to meet this debt so that we can actually grow. because it's a collective energy, right. It's like it wants to help a lot of people. That's its purpose. So for me, like, the real turning point around that has been working on the conditioning of like, is this okay for other people? Are they uncomfortable with it? You know, and, and when I come across people, because I routinely do like, come across people who don't want to have depth at all. And me, really working on my belief that I, I am adequate can be very activating for any sense of inadequacy they have as well. And so like allowing that to be the case, allowing other people to be uncomfortable and for that not to be something wrong with me. Yeah. So hopefully, hopefully that helps. But I, you know, that's also because I'm a 4 6. So I, I will learn through this experience, through relationships as a 1:3. That may not be as helpful for you. And what I'd encourage you to do is to, you know, gain as much knowledge about that as you can. Like, look at all different definitions of that channel, different people's interpretations, observe it in other people's behavior, and see what that shows you, because that will probably bring you some stability.
Being a manifesto within the human design space can be very hard
Okay. how do I exist within the HD business and not get too pulled into the labels? gosh, that is an awesome question. honestly, Honestly, maybe this is not a particularly wise answer. but I, I use my manifesto anger in that way. Like, I use this sort of like repulsion and resistance to things as a manifesto that if I, if I watch people in the human design space using those labels, which I do all the time, all of us are seeing that all of the time. When that makes me angry, it shows me that there's something incorrect about it. And sometimes that means that I will vacate other people's spaces because I'm like, just no. other times that means that I will stay in the space and I will use that anger as a prompt to look at myself. Is there some part of myself that is also doing this that I'm ashamed of or that I'm being self protective of? I think that being a manifesto within the human design space in general can be very, very hard because there is an image of the manifesto that's portrayed and then there's the reality of the manifesto. And unfortunately I find that a lot of spaces don't really have tolerance for or celebration of the reality of the manifesto. They love the kind of character, the inspirational notion of, you know, a manifesto is here to create new things and it's going to inspire everybody. And they're rebel without a cause and isn't it so marvelous to watch a manifesto? But to do that, they have to be able to hold space for unpredictability, for uncertainty, for being initiated, for being catalyzed and activated when they didn't expect it and they didn't ask for it. and a lot of people actually don't have the ability to do that. So there are a lot of human design spaces that I don't participate in because of that, because I think it's pretty unhealthy for manifestors, and others where I see that people are trying to grow in that way. So, stick around and just kind of observe.
The six is the only profile line that has different stages
Okay, one more question. I love the deep diving. If that's pertaining to the three, are you able to briefly speak about the six a little? You're a three. Six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so we know that the six has these three different life stages. Yeah, it's the only profile line that has different stages. So for the, for the first 30 years, we know that the 6, 6 operates as a 3, but it's like a, 3 with a twist. So the 3, because you've got this aspect to your profile as well, the three is, like, we say trial and error. I don't think that that's a great terminology. there's a manifesto called Amy, who's beautiful. She's a 3 5. And she reframed that as reflect. Sorry, trial and reflect, which I think is a much more apt turn. And, you know, as a three line, there is this, like, I experiment, and then I reflect. And maybe I made all of the wrong moves along the way. Maybe I made the right moves, but it's in the adventure that I learn the things. And so three, the three line has this kind of adventurous, this levity, this, like, ah, okay. I just, like, live life through adventure, and that's how I learn things. When the 6 is in its 3 stage, it's like all of the trial, all of the challenge, all of the doing things the wrong way, but there's no levity. It's pain. It's like, I did this thing, and it hurt me in this way. I did this thing, and it was catastrophic to me in this way. So by the time we reach the second stage as sixes, right in our, like, 0 to 30 is that first stage, and then 30 to 50 is the second stage, where we go on the roof that 20 years, really, which is what I'm in at the moment, is where we're looking back at those first 30 years and trying to figure out what the hell happened. Looking back at all of these experiences that we just had that were really challenging and harmed us and hurt us, and we feel like they derailed us, and we're trying to pull all of the wisdom out of it. And inevitably, inevitably, sixes in this space end up, in some sort of, like, sharing role. whether it's a teacher role, whether it's a mentor role, whether it's a creator role, we end up in some space, or we're driven towards. We're pulled towards some space where we can say, I want to tell people what I've learned through my experience because I lived this thing, and. And then I reflected on, here's what I learned, and I want to tell other people that, right? So after 36ers have this, like, embodiment thing going on of, like, you know, when I teach from my lived experience, it's authentic, and it lands because I'm. I'm literally living it, right? I'm not telling you stuff that I. I don't know from my own experience. It kind of has this validity because I. I lived it. And the six has massive Depth in that time point, Huge depth at that time point. then the 50 plus onwards, right, is the off the roof, which I am not there yet, so I can only teach kind of theoretically. But in the off the roof, apparently it's where all of the exploration of the first 30 years stops and things are just integrated. And so there's this sense of like, I know who I am and I know what I'm bringing the world. Whereas in the on the roof stage, the 30 to 50, it still feels like just kind of, I'm still like, figuring out, who I am and I'm still figuring out why all of these things happen to me and what they really mean.
Being a parent to a line six is about creating a nurturing, safe space
what would be a good way to Support a Line 6 child? Super cool question. I have three Line 6 children. All of us in my family are sixes. So my husband and I and my two boys are four sixes, and then my daughter is a six two. So we are full of six energy. And I tell you, like, everybody thinks that they have the absolute wisdom about everything all the time. Try being in a family of sixes. Everyone's like, but I've reflected on it, like, this is the truth, this is the wisdom. I would honestly say that, like, being a parent to a line six is about creating a nurturing, safe space for those first 30 years to be rough to know that when your line 6 is a child that the things that they experience are going to hurt them. They're going to have painful experiences. It's like a necessity of their profile. So whether they're going through bullying at school or a, learning disability or, usually it's something to do with the social, social network. Right. Or they have some experience that really kind of rocks them. And that can occur relatively frequently. Right. It's not like it's happening every day, but they might have one thing every couple of years or every few years that really is like a big almost ordeal for them to go through. and I think it's really important as parents with line six children that we don't say, oh, my gosh, this horrible thing happened to you, and let's hope it never happens again. But we acknowledge that, like, you're gonna, once you hit 30, you're gonna spend the next 20 years reflecting on m. What all of these experiences meant for you. And you're gonna pull wisdom from it. You're gonna pull wisdom. You will, right? You will get really insightful, you will get really, really wise. And so my role for right now is to create a safe space for you to have those experiences, for you to just feel nurtured and feel like you have a place where you can come and you can be sad and be hurting and you can just rest. Right. That. I don't need to solve this for you because you're probably going to solve it for yourself when you get older. And certainly, like, as a Line 6 child in my family of origin, I was the only line 6 in my whole family. And, you know, me having any difficult childhood experiences were seen as like, stop making a noise. Stop. Stop making it about you. Like, stop creating crisis. Stop. Stop making it difficult for the rest of us. And I was like, I'm not doing it like my life, that is doing it. So, yeah, I think they're just creating space for them to have difficulty and. And be as safe as they can. just reading these comments. I'm a yoga teacher and I often teach from lived experience. Yep. And my acting is also getting deeper and more authentic. Yeah. And the first 30 years was unbelievably tumultuous. Yeah. And yet to meet a Line 6. Sorry, I'm yet to meet a Line 6 that has not had a really, really difficult first 30 years of life. A lot of line sixes really associate or identify with having trauma in those first 30 years. M. Not all. I've met some line sixes that. That didn't feel it was traumatic. They just felt that it was like, really kind of chaotic and unstable and they had a lot of challenging experiences and they didn't really know why at the time. because there's this drive in your first 30 years as a Line 6 to be like, I should be stable, I should be wise. Like, I. I kind of should have my shit together. I should be good. Why am I not? and particularly when we team that with the manifesto experience of it. For those of us who are line 6 manifesters, we already have this. Like, I'm inconsistent, I'm flaky, I can't seem to follow the rules. I can't kind of stick at anything long term. and so that can make line 6 manifesto experiences a bit tough, socially speaking, for the first 30 years. yeah, Beck, that's exactly what you experience. Yeah, Yeah. I think that that's. I think that's pretty universal for line six manifesters. And. And once we get into our 30s and beyond, I felt more stability in my 40s than I have in any, any decade of my life before this. because there's a sense of like, oh, I'm not Flaky, and I'm not unstable and I'm not inconsistent. It was all for a purpose. And now I've had these massive life experiences that I have so much wisdom to be able to share with people. And it also means that, like, the depth at which you've met yourself, you can also meet other people. And that's why line sixes tend to be really, really amazing at holding, ah, space for other people, going through darkness or going through challenging experiences, because it's like, well, I've been there too, and I've met myself in that place, so it doesn't confront me when, when you do that. Yeah, I can hold space for other people to do that. Jess, that's really good to hear. Ari. The 40s. Well, I'm 42, so I'm like, I'm kind of in the last stages, I suppose, my last eight years of, of being on the roof. and I do feel like it's getting easier, it's getting less like, what the hell did I go through in my first 30 years of life? And more like, ah, there was a pattern to it and there was a meaning to it and a purpose, and I've built something from that that really helps other people. and I'm really, I'm kind of looking forward to being off the roof. Everyone tells me that off the roof is great. I think there was just a comment up here as well saying, yes, being over 50 is incredibly different. Very grateful for the wisdom. Yeah, right. So, like, the people, the line 6 is over 50 tell me it's pretty golden on the other side. So I'm really, really looking forward to that. Beck, reading your comment, thank you for saying that. My goal is to be a mentor to people with narcissistic parental trauma.
Line sixes are tasked with helping others through their experiences
Yeah, I think that one of the biggest kind of, hurdles that we need to face as line sixes is acknowledging to ourselves that we do have something to give, we do have wisdom, we do have insight, we, we do have something kind of measurable and helpful and healing to give to other people who are experiencing what we have experienced, that our, our life experience of it and our reflections on it, make us an authority on that. It's not to say that we don't need to, you know, pick up knowledge and qualifications and things to, to ensure that we are in integrity with what we're doing. But, yeah, often I think as line sixes, we go like, is this going to be valuable to anybody else? Just because I went through it doesn't mean it's going to help anybody else, but it does. It does. And so what I'm really challenging myself with as a line six at the moment is to not wait until I have the insight perfect. Not wait until it's all resolved. And I've reflected on it and I have the, you know, the crisp, beautiful little wisdom that can go on an Instagram carousel. Right. And then I can tell people about it. Like, I'm trying to show up, in the process of going through it, because that is really what we're here for as line sixes, is to show the story as it's happening. But it feels very exposed to do that. So I'm trying to teach myself to have safety and doing that. And this community has been beautiful, absolutely beautiful. So thank you for giving space to do that.
I will probably not be doing a live next week because of illness flares
Okay, I think that I'm at about an hour, so I need to wrap up. that's all. I think that's all I. I wanted to say about today. I will probably not be doing a live next week. I need to give my body some spaciousness after the last couple of weeks of. Of illness flares. And, we also have an international visitor coming to stay with us. So I'm just going to give myself some space next week and then I should be back the week after that. but this has been cool. This has been really beautiful. Thank you for being in the depths with me today. Thank you for coming deep. Thank you for self reflecting and, yeah, I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Oh, thank you for this comment. That's so beautiful. Your explanation resonated with me deeply. I was in shock when I was told I have a closed and repelling aura. I wrote, let's sign a petition. Mentally as manifesters. Let's sign a petition that says closed and repelling aura. is no longer a suitable phrase. We do not accept that as an explanation of our. It's wrong. And it also only shows half the picture. So I hereby petition manifestos to refuse that. Anyway, thank you, everybody. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Bye.
